The Cheerleader and the Gardner

Marriage was designed to be a covenant of service and self-sacrifice between two people. Any other model is destined for failure or, at the very least, a lifelong battle between wills.

Men and women who love each other like Christ loves the church remain irresistible to each other. That's why I'm convinced that any great marriage is one in which a couple lives out the Ephesians 5 model of caring submission and sacrifice.

One reason for this is because this model provides the key to lifelong attraction. Like moths gravitate toward light, you and I are drawn to things that attract us. Our bodies may sag and our hair start to thin, but men and women who love each other like Christ loves the church remain irresistible to each other.

Put Karen and me in a room of flat-bellied, impossibly attractive models, and I am confident we will choose each other above anyone else in the room. Why? Because I've made it my full-time job to meet her needs, and because she has thrown all her energies into being my number-one fan.

Nothing is more attractive than that.


I played football in high school, so I know the appeal of cheerleaders. It's not just because they're cute, but because they are relentlessly positive. It's their job to cheer the players on. Praise is a very powerful motivator. It brings out our best.

You never see cheerleaders whine or nag. Have you ever heard a cheer demanding that the players get off the field, sit down, and hand the ball over to the girls in the coordinated outfits? No.

Cheerleaders remain positive. They don't complain. That's why football players love them. Nothing appeals to a guy more than a woman who cheers him on, even when things are going badly. Men respond to praise. Wives who admire them are always attractive to their husbands.

In the same way, no woman can resist a man who lays down his life for her, who loves her with abandon, who cherishes the ground she walk on, who works hard to meet her every need.

While I encourage wives to be their husband's cheerleader, I suggest men see themselves as a gardener nurturing and caring for his wife.

A good gardener knows exactly what a plant needs to stay healthy in terms of sun, shade, water, and fertilizer. He protects the plant. He feeds the soil around it. He does whatever is necessary to see his garden stay green and productive.

A healthy garden is the sign of a good gardener. A good husband does whatever it takes to see his wife grow strong, vibrant, and happy. He meets her needs. He nurtures, shelters, and protects. He cultivates the environment of their marriage to make sure it remains rich, life-giving, and healthy.

A husband provides for his wife physically, spiritually, and emotionally, giving her the love and attention that keeps her strong and helps her bear fruit.

Cheerleaders and gardeners have great marriages. Women, be your husband's cheerleader and you will remain attractive to him forever. Men, be your wife's compassionate gardener, and she will be blossom into the woman of your dreams.

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